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06 September 2010 @ 12:20 am
Argh, stalled!  
I'm feeling a bit stalled. Hm.

Anyone up for another round of prompts-and-ficlets? Um, just to switch it up this time, give me a pairing or character and some song lyrics or a quote or something and I'll give you some sort of something back. Yeah.

ETA: Feel free to keep prompt things coming, even though I've posted something since adding this, My plan is to keep writing things until Virus'verse 5 stops being such a jerk and lets me keep going. Right now I feel like it's stonewalling me. Ugh.
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fyreflyfyrefly101 on September 6th, 2010 10:16 am (UTC)
I guess I kinda want to play too:

John/Cam(/Lorne)

Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
Just close your eyes and make believe
Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
I am happy to deceive you

Sacred lies and telling tales
I can be who you want me to be
But do you want me?


Paloma Faith; Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful?
(full lyrics here, if you want: http://www.metrolyrics.com/do-you-want-the-truth-or-something-beautiful-lyrics-paloma-faith.html)
Kisomehowunbroken on September 7th, 2010 03:23 am (UTC)
He doesn’t want this, never asked for this, but now it’s here and in front of him and there’s no taking it back, no pretending the last few years haven’t happened, no acting like everything’s the same as it always was. And it’s hard, kind of, because they’re both so broken that it shouldn’t matter but it does, it does, God it does, more than anything. And the words have been said, they’ve been put out there and he’s a little hollow, because they’ve been stuffed inside him for so long that they’ve left a little space behind.

And the look on Cam’s face isn’t helping, isn’t making it better, because all he wants is for those words to be repeated, to be said back to him, and the look he’s getting isn’t saying that, it’s saying shock and surprise and unexpected. It’s not saying no, but it’s not saying yes either, and suddenly he just wants an answer either way, wants to know so he can move on, so he’s not stuck here stagnant, waiting for movement, waiting for anything.

He’s nervous, he’s scared more than he’s ever been scared before but he stands there, forces himself to be still for what feels like solid hours, but he can hear the seconds ticking and knows it’s not that long, not really. His heart is racing like he’s prepping for a fight, adrenaline coursing through him, and he distantly thinks fight or flight and forces himself to stay, to stand, to breathe in and out slowly and smoothly, to keep his face impassive and give nothing away. Give nothing else away.

And Cam’s still just standing there, no movement other than his repeated blinking, long lashes not quite sweeping his cheeks, and suddenly he has to go, doesn’t want his answer, won’t be able to bear the crushing weight of rejection, of having his battered and bruised and taped-together self thrown back at him, told he’s not good enough by yet another lover, because he can already hear it drawled in that smooth tenor, slightly sad, slightly bitter, I’m sorry, it’s not you, it’s me, and all the other pretty bullshit that goes with it.

He doesn’t say anything, just turns to leave, and he’s three steps towards the door before Cam’s tugging on his arm, spinning him around, pressing their mouths together in a way that’s bizarrely hesitant, weirdly sweet, considering what they’d been doing before he’d had his little outburst. Cam presses tiny little kisses to his lips, over and over and over, and he feels himself relaxing, feels the tension drain out of his body as he meets Cam kiss for kiss, gentle, sweet, lovely.

“You know,” Cam breathes against his lips, his ears, his cheeks, “I never expected you to work up the nerve to say it.” And he has to laugh, because it had nothing to do with nerve and more to do with not being able to keep it in any more, with the pressure building inside him until he had to let it out, had to say the words, had to tell Cam the absolute honest truth, like he’d never told it to anyone before, nobody, never. He kisses Cam again, still feather-soft, and Cam kisses him back, then presses their foreheads together. He closes his eyes and there’s a soft smile on his face, like he’s so happy he can’t stop it from spreading across his face.

“God, John, I love you too.”


Edited at 2010-09-07 04:52 am (UTC)
fyreflyfyrefly101 on September 7th, 2010 09:17 pm (UTC)
I ... oh, I kinda wanted to smack Cam - I too thought he was about to say "no" to John. There's just *so much* feeling in here, and this

And the words have been said, they’ve been put out there and he’s a little hollow, because they’ve been stuffed inside him for so long that they’ve left a little space behind.

and this

ressing their mouths together in a way that’s bizarrely hesitant, weirdly sweet,

and this

because it had nothing to do with nerve and more to do with not being able to keep it in any more, with the pressure building inside him until he had to let it out, had to say the words, had to tell Cam the absolute honest truth

is just lovely. Thank you. I had no ideas/expectations about what those lyrics might throw out, but this was just glorious.
Kisomehowunbroken on September 7th, 2010 10:17 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you liked it :) I'd never heard the song before, so I looked it up online and listened to it, and this sort of popped into my head. I feel like this is what's going on inside of John all the time, but we don' get to see it because he puts on his stoic face.
fyrefly: wing-tugfyrefly101 on September 7th, 2010 11:28 pm (UTC)
The (sappy, romantic) part of me seems to think that when it comes to Cam, yup, John utterly loses his ability to keep up the 'stoic, I'm not really a feelings-kinda person' that he manages in the rest of his life.

The whole album (that was the title track) is pretty decent. Different voice, and different style to everything else I seem to find on the radio at the moment. Thanks again, for such an awesome reply to the prompt!
ninja007ninja007 on October 1st, 2010 05:08 am (UTC)
Wow! This was like candy!

I can't even articulate how much I love it. I could feel John's pain at past rejections and his awful self image.

Wonderfully written.

Just lovely!

Thank you for writing this!
Kisomehowunbroken on October 1st, 2010 01:43 pm (UTC)
Thanks dear :)